What If Repentance Came With a Splash Zone? | A Comedic Bible Devotional on Matthew 28:19
Matthew 28:19 says, “Go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit.” It never said how to get them into the water.
We treat baptism like it is a quick rinse before communion. Jesus treats it like a spiritual pressure washer for the soul.
The water doesn’t save you, but it does remind you who does. Every splash is a spiritual cannonball. Angels hold up scorecards and heaven’s lifeguard blows the whistle and says, “Nice form, sinner.”
Questions for the Week and Strong:
If faith had a waterslide, would you dive in headfirst or wait until the water is theologically safe?
If baptism came with a splash zone, how far back in the pews would you sit?
Would you rather be sprinkled with doubt or fully submerged in obedience?
This Week in Prayer and Deep Water Confidence:
Lord, help me stop hovering at the edge of obedience like a nervous kid at a public pool. Give me the courage to climb the spiritual ladder and slide into whatever You are calling me toward, even if it looks fast, loud, or mildly hazardous. And if I scream on the way down, let it be a joyful noise. Amen.
Disclaimer:
We make jokes about faith because we take it seriously. This is satire, not doctrine. For real guidance, consult a pastor, a Bible, or your grandma.
Nothing here replaces real church, real discipleship, or real spiritual counsel. We aim to engage minds, not bind consciences.