Where comedy and Scripture meet… behind the church to settle their differences.

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Oct 24, 2025

(Genesis 17:10-11)

God could have chosen a secret handshake, a password, or even matching friendship bracelets. Instead, He picked foreskin. Because nothing says eternal commitment like minor outpatient surgery on your most sensitive organ.

It was a mark that said, I belong to God. In a place no one could fake. Not in words. Not in show. But in flesh. A cut so real it changed how you walked. And how often you checked your zipper.

Questions for the Week

1# Is your faith actually strong, or does it fold the second things get a little... sensitive?

2# Are you willing to make hard cuts where it matters, or just where it looks impressive?

3# When God asks for the real you, do you offer Him the whole package or just the decorative gift wrap?

Oct 24, 2025

"That’s Not How You Christian" is an off brand Christian comedy project dedicated to sharp, unfiltered satire, good laughs, and just enough irreverence to keep things interesting. We are starting with a series of deep thought style quotes meant to spark both laughter and reflection.

The mission? Build an audience, raise some eyebrows in a good way, and create something worth sharing.

If you would like to help us keep the comedy rolling and possibly fund a few questionable production decisions, there are a few ways to support the cause. Buy some merch or visit our Contribution page to chip in directly. Proceeds and contributions cover essentials like writing, art, production, and mild existential dread, everything required for faith based comedy done right.

And if money is not your ministry, the best way to support us is to laugh, repost, comment, share, and to pray, like really, really hard, like “Old Testament prophet running from a whale” hard.

Memes on High

Retro ad with Jael smiling and holding hammers. Marketing twist on biblical violence from Judges.

Lot’s wife becomes the village’s biggest donor. Finally, a fundraiser with a little flavor.

Family reading a Bible storybook with terrified kids — referencing the prophet who summoned bears.

Jesus drains a holy three-pointer from the boat. Faith, Hope, and Love, and apparently a solid jumper.

Judas stands on a dusty basketball court offering water bottles with a suspicious money bag trying to trade hydration for minutes.

Samson’s epic jawbone beatdown. It's like a biblical John Wick, but with worse hygiene and more donkeys.

Jesus, ambushed by sugar-fueled children. Proving even the Son of God had second thoughts about VBS.

Retro faith healing party turns awkward. Wondering if the laying on of hands works for… other types of resurrection.

Hamster on trial in a lineup of bearded elders. The Bible says don’t judge others, but apparently rodents are fair game.

An angel sips tea on a cloud while reading about toilets, revealing celestial secrets one bladder at a time.

Ancient prophet Abraham proposes a secret handshake over circumcision because it’s less painful and you keep all your tips.

Adam reluctantly eats Eve’s rib dinner. Biblical tension meets 1950s barbecue vibes.

Beginner's Prayer Survival Pack

James 1:19

"God, remind me that my silence might be your favorite part of our conversation."
Romans 10:9

"Help me cross the line of faith… but not so far I end up starting a cult by accident."
Titus 2:12

"Father, keep me from doing anything today that ends with, "Sorry, officer."
Romans 12:12

"Lord, give me patience today... but could you hurry it up a bit?"